my profile

Back in Malaysia for good

2010-12-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

I've been back in Malaysia since August this year. I didn't get a job in Aussie and my visa is expiring in Sept. Well the normal reaction or feeling most people have is disappointment. I think I was disappointed but i accepted the fact that not everyone can get everything they can have in life. It's up to God and His plan for us. I can be in Australia but will I be 100% happy?

People say that the grass is always greener on the other side but it is not always true. The grass can always be green wherever we are it just depends on how we view the situation we are in.

The day I left melbourne I felt peace. Its the peace that surpasses all understanding just like it is stated in Philipians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Wherever we are in the world when we have Christ he is always with us and He will never leave us. This believe I had gave me the peace and acceptance in my heart.

When I came back I applied for a management trainee position in all the hospitals I know. At that time I was facing a dilemma. then regretted taking the course because having too much education without much relevant experience is pointless. Most companies look for experience. I really wished I could turn back time and take the course I always wanted. I realized that I was probably facing a quarterlife crisis like many other YWA in their 20s.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself

I came back to Malaysia 3 months ago and immediately start applying for jobs. The more jobs I applied the more disappointed I got because
(1)There were no available jobs related to my qualification ,
(2) all the offer I got was to be a Medical technologist (aka my previous job).
(3) Not a company call me for an interview in weeks

During this time of need, I prayed and really appreciate the love and care given by the bro and sis in hope kl. In my heart I knew God has a job for me which will be relevant to all my qualifications. I must proclaim it and continue to trust in Him! As written in the bible in proverbs 3:5-6 ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he’ll make your path straight’.

I continued to believe for the right job to come because I know God has a plan in my life and I should work for him and not myself. After a month of waiting someone from joblink called me to attend an interview with A company I didn’t even know exist. I went for the interview in ampang. The day before the interview my lg members prayed for me and I remember they prayed for God’s favor over me in the interview. During the interview the dept head aka my boss was actually a staff in my previous hospital. We had a great connection and the interview went well. I didn’t even need to attend a second interview and was offered the job. This is obviously God at work.

I was given a position as a consultant in medical healthcare equipment planner. The amazing thing about this job is that I did not find this job but it found me. It’s definitely God’s gift to me. In this job I am able to help more lives as compared to a doctor. Probably not in a clinical sense but in the way the hospital operates. It seems that many death are indirectly caused by systemic error and hospital settings that may lead to medical errors. In 2000, The Institute of Medicine released "To Err Is Human", which asserts that the problem in medical errors is not bad people in health care—it is that good people are working in bad systems that need to be made safer. It is actually a priviledge for me to be a part of the hospital planning in Malaysia.

I also have the opportunity to work in developing countries overseas like Pakistan, Indonesia, Vietnam, China etc where healthcare is not well establish and where % of Christians are low. According to the WHO, 50% of medical equipment in developing countries is only partly usable due to lack of skilled operators or parts. As a result, diagnostic procedures or treatments cannot be performed, leading to substandard treatment.
I believe that God has prepared me for a time like this.
Jeremiah 1:5 (New International Version)
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Looking back at my life I could see how God worked.
1) Medical bioscience
2) medical tech in a hospital
3) MHSM
4) Healthcare planner in Malaysia – I indirectly help save lives
So friends probably you are in a crossroad where you don’t know the reason or you don’t understand why has God put you where you are. I would like to encourage you to persevere, seek God and continue to trust him in whatever circumstances you are in because HE have a plan for each and everyone of you. If I became a doctor I wonder whether I would get the same outcome?

His ways is higher than ours so HANG IN THERE and know that everything happens for a reason

The Time of my life

2010-07-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Wow its already July.....the time i have in melbourne is approaching to an end. Got calls from several company offering me jobs but got rejected because of my visa. If can I would like to stay on but as pastor wilson say in OC don't stay somewhere because its convenient or where all your friends are. Stay because GOD wants you to stay. I told God if I was meant to stay in Australia doors will be open for me. But it seems that all the doors are closing on me. People say its not over yet. ITs true because my student visa expires in September. The other option I have is to study another semester at least to meet the 2 years requirement. But I'm not that young anymore and my parents have paid too much for my education especially my dad. He took up the job for another year to pay for my fees and expenses that his health is affected by it. It is indirectly related to me. I can't think of myself anymore.Australia is definately a better place for me to stay but I believe no matter where you are, you can still make an impact and play an important role in your society and community around you. How many times have we thought of doing that? The most important thing is that GOd created the world so no matter where you are he is there to help you. With God to me no matter where you are or which country we are all in this place call EARTH. What makes the difference is the culture, politics,economy, leadership, values and so on. We came to earth with nothing and will leave earth empty as well so does it matter where we are on earth? The main thing is we should know is 'we are who we are in character and truth' nothing can stop us from doing great and wonderful things in life..... There is a reason for everything. Have we ever stop and think or are we only complaining of the things we don't have?

lml

I've decided to go back Malaysia

2010-03-31T05:39:00.000-07:00

After days and months of thinking. I've decided to go back to Malaysia. I guess the only reason why I didn't want to go back is because of the control my parents have on my life. My mom in particular. My dad is too over protective sometimes but being the daughter and the only one its normal for them to react in such a way. Australia is definately a good country no doubt. Long term it is beneficial to be here. However, I guess not everyone can stay here and not everyone is meant to be here. If i want to stay i have to use my parents money to study another course which is lower grade than my masters or degree. I don't see the point. Even if i get my TR what are the chances of me getting a job?

Some people will do whatever they can to get PR even doing odd jobs for a few months. But at the end are you using your education to good use? Instead of staying here and waiting for a job might as well go back and get some job experience. Pay may not be as good but i think the experience gained is priceless. BEsides that my dad has just retired and he has some problem which his eyes. I really don't want to use his money anymore. Its time for me to work and support them. If i was an undergrad i would have stayed back, take another course and try to get my PR but i guess now i'm too old for this and circumstances don't seem to help me do so now.

If you asked me do i regret not coming here earlier? I would say yes but i can't do anything abt it now. Just have to live with the decisions and outcome now. Also if i took the masters in nutrition and dietetics i would prob stand a higher chance in getting a job and stay here. My intention to come here and stay now has gone down the drain. Its frustrating but what can i do? However one thing is for sure, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to come to Australia to study.

Now i'm hoping i can get a job in singapore or in a MNC hospital where i can be trained overseas. If only i came earlier and if only my parents supported me to come Australia earlier I would have already been here but the doors are not open for me. No point talking about it now just have to move on. Easier said than done but i would just have to try to do so.

lml

Days left in Melbourne.....

2010-03-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

This coming week would be my 4th week of my last semester. As usual offcampus mode, doing assignments, eat, sleep and then one week passes. Semester is finishing in July.....not too far away. Been applying for jobs but all i got was rejections and more rejections. What to do? no experience in management and i'm not a PR or citizen. Can't hope for much.......

People say its not over yet.....God will open the doors IF i was meant to stay here. I guess deep down inside my heart I just have this feeling that I will be going back. What I'll miss being here in melbourne is the people i've been with for almost a year. They have been my greatest companions in melbourne. My life group and church people. I never had so much fun ever in my life. The support and friendship they gave me is priceless and i wish i can stay back and do much more for them.

Well some say going back to Malaysia is not too bad.....ITs definately true to some extend. That's where you come from...its your roots. The only thing i wish i wouldn't want to say is staying with my parents can be tough at times when they don't treat you like an adult. But what can i say every parents will want their kids to be kids forever......I'm definately thankful that they gave me the opportunity to study in melbourne now. At least they did eventhough they didn't before.

At this point in time my thoughts are
1) melbourne is good but is it what God wants me to be?
2) parents are getting old if you don't spend time with them when will you do it?
3)If everyone leave Malaysia who is left to fight for the country in someways?
4) In malaysia churches are bombed what next?
5) weather too hot in malaysia and currency never seems to increase.....

haha probably the last option is not that important.

I guess its not harm going back to Malaysia to gain some experience and then if i want in future i can come back to melbourne to further my studies or find a job......

But by then i donno what may happen.......cross road in life really make you think a lot and also let you realise that what you have to do at these times is to rely and seek God. We can't do this on our own. We can try to rely on our strength and ability but eventually it will lead to tiredness and negativity when things don't turn out well.

I guess the present my lg gave me for my birthday is meant for me.....

Trust the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding in all your ways acknowlege him and he will make your path straight - Proverbs 3:5-6

lml

CNY went just like that........

2010-02-23T03:09:00.000-08:00

I went home for CNY for 3 weeks. The first day I landed all the negative thoughts came in to my mind. 1) hot and humid weather 2) traffic jam 3)security in public 4) stray cats and dogs everywhere. Few days in Malaysia when we were talking abt the situation in Malaysia my friend wallet got stolen, Anwar had to go back to court again for sodomy, PR application is getting stricter in Australia and Singapore.

But one thing I appreciate most about Malaysia is my family and the culture we had. No doubt countries like Australia and Singapore is better because it gives us more money and sense of security. Everything including transport, healthcare, education and others are much better than Malaysia. But one thing which these countries don't have and that we have is our culture. Every festive season in Malaysia is very lively. We keep in touch with one another every festive season and celebrate it regardless of religion or race. Probably Singapore and other Asian country practices this but obviously i don't see any of this is Australia.

When the kids grow up they are given the freedom to do whatever they want and most of them lose their culture. I definately don't want my kids to forget the culture we practiced over the years and century.

Most of us only complain MAlaysia is this and that but have we ever stop and think what can we do to improve the country? IS the answer to the solution migration? we're leaving a country which has provided for us through out our lives. Despite issues and problem we are definately blessed in some ways. IF only Malaysians could stop and think what can be done we can definately do something great for our country. Getting experience overseas is a good idea but make sure we know where we originate and we should go back to where we come from.

MALAYSIA

lml

BAck to Malaysia

2010-02-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

I have been back to Malaysia since Monday. Coming back to us is like oh no 'hot weather', 'traffic jam', 'unfriendly people' and so on. I bet we will tend to compare especially for those who had studied overseas in another country. Coming back to me its like home. I just felt that I never left for Australia in the first place. There is pro and cons everywhere we stay and complains is never ending. ITs human nature we are never happy. Negativity always creep in our minds instead of positivity.

Many times I tell myself to think positive take life as it goes and don't compare. I guess I put too much priority on studying in Australia that I pushed to study my 2nd Masters there. After studying I realised that the problem for me is not because I desperately want to stay in Australia. Malaysia is fine as well. Why I went to Australia I realised that why I wanted to go there its because I wanted my freedom, independence, exposure and experience life away from my parents. My parents can be quite controlling at time but I won't say in a strict way but I always feel caged up when I with them. Where ever I want to go I have to think of them, what they have to say and so on. Its that pressure of not doing what I want which bothers me especially at my age when I have the discretion to do things and know the consequences for myself. They just haven't let go of me.

The only way to be myself is to stay by my own in a different place. That way I can grow and learn to make better decisions for myself. It has been a while that my parents controlled me for the course I study, where I should work, choices I make and eventually the worse part is when they say 'aiyah should have let you do that'. If only they let me experience and respect my choice then that I won't face this dilemma now.

I always tell myself everything happen for a reason and that I have to be patient for God has everything planned out for me. He always have the best for me.

I guess I never prayed and hear from God before coming to Australia it was a decision I made myself to rebel and fight for 1)my desire to come Australia which my parents didn't allow me before, 2) My parents don't encourage me to change job and take up sales. A lot of people go to Australia or somewhere else to run away from their problems. Problems they see and faced in their own country. For me I guess was my parents and the feeling of being controlled at times. I guess I don't know how to solve this issue. I am still trying though.

I guess I will have to wait and see what God has planned for me. I can't do much now but leave and hand over my situation to him for he will give the best. To allow his best to lead us, don't live by our standards and limitation. Also don't let the negativity and complaining attitude enter our mind. Focus on God. No matter where we are in the World know that God is with us and that he will plan and give the best to us.

lml

Still feeling the disappointment of taking the wrong course...

2010-01-21T02:42:00.000-08:00

Today the feeling of regret and disappointment came back again. When my mom came here the feelings of oppression and frustration came back. Frustration because they don't allow me to take medicine and disappointment because I didn't fight hard enough in the past to take up pharmacy or the course i wanted. End up taking biomedical science and worked in places which didn't benefit me that much. One masters after another sometimes i really wonder what is the point. Everytime I see a doctor or know someone taking medicine I really envy them. There is negativeness of being a doctor I guess but depends on where you are working. Don't expect to rest in Malaysia or Singapore but i guess if I studied in Australia it's a good thing.

My mom called her friend not too long ago and she said management opportunities in Australia is hard to get. I guess the only option I have is to get a job in Singapore or study more which is Phd. However I really do think I should get some experience before continuing my PHD.

If only I could turn back time I will definately make some changes to the decisions I made and the course I want to pursue. Even if I do get to turn back time I doubt I can do the course I want. With my parents like that I don't think I can get to do much. My mom especially talks and nags non stop telling me what to do. Even now she still do it!

Which also made me realised one thing. I need to stay away from parents longer to really develop myself in making my own decisions. I'm old enough to do that. I beg to differ for teenagers they are still under parents supervision. Once we start working we have to develop our own identity. With parents guardian of course but without them forcing and telling them what to do. I really feel trap with my mom here. I can't freely do what I want and decide. She has her own thinking which is more narrow minded and straightforward. I guess different level of education and exposure creates that which can be difficult to change.

I really wanna develop myself fully without any hindrance, develop my full ability without relying on my parents anymore. Besides if I were to take a leadership role in the future I have to make decisions by myself and know how to articulate myself without worrying what my mom would say if I did this or that. This makes me regret not coming to Australia earlier or get a job which requires me to be more independent.

When I graduate this year I've made up my mind to stay on my own and experience life from different walks of life. Coming to Australia is my first step and I fought for it so hard. My parents were reluctant but I guess God opened the door for me when HE sent my parents to China and open their minds on staying overseas. I believe that there will be more doors open for me.

Although I feel the frustration sometimes I guess I could use it for better use. Making sure that people don't make the same mistakes I make. Its not what decisions you have made is what decisions you will make. The future is in our hands we must act accordingly to acheive what we see ourselves. 'Don't dwell in the past and look ahead'

Isaiah 43:18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past

It can be difficult to do this but we just have to....however if we can learn something from the past incorporate it into the decision we will make in the future. If I really can I would like to study medicine but I guess in life we can't always get what we want.

lml

A walk to remember

2010-01-10T23:09:00.000-08:00

I just watch this show 'The walk to remember'. What this show tells me is when God is in the center of your life (like Jamie aka mandy moore), people can see it and changes will happen. Although she knew she is going to die she have such a tremendous faith and believe that everything happens for a reason. I guess the reason why God gave her this sickness is to bless others. Not only it changed the life of her bf (later husband) but also big bullies in school.

WAtching this show and implementing the biblical principle in our everyday life we can always get to find the reason for everything. Even when we're at the lowest point in our lives and we question why things happen in a certain way think positive and find the reason for it. For example why is my mom like that, my dad like that?my brother like that? why my results so bad? why my job like that? I should have done it this way.....bla bla, why am i here?

I just opened the bible the other day trying my luck in getting a verse from God and what caught my eyes is proverbs 3 :5-6 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding ,all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight'.

Reading that I will always have the heart of thankfulness no matter where i am in life and who i am with. We can't really compare and wish our lives should be better because we see it in someone else. We can't change the situation we're in like why is our families like that. So its no point complaining and but instead see it in another way. When we face a situation or problem and we may not understand it, lean on God's understandind, trust him and believe that everything is made for a reason. We may not know it now but we will definately know why later.
Eg : we may not agree with what our parents do to us ,maybe they don't see what we see or we think that they should not behave in a certain way. What we can do from this is to see that God placed us in this kind of situation so that we don do it to others and especially our children because we have experienced it first hand.

So conclusion always think of the best in a situation and trust that everything happens for a reason. God made it like that for a reason :) its up to us to believe or not

Another year has gone....

2010-01-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

Its now 1.13am in Melbourne 2/1/2010. Slept too much in the afternoon feeling restless now. There have been a lot of things in my mind. The new year is finally here which means:
1) getting older in months to come
2) counting the days I'll be in Australia
3) letting God and circumstances decide on which country I'll be in depending on which company and country will hire me.....
4)Attend more friends wedding :P

I can't imagine going through another new year again that fast. I remember around this time last year I was still working and the date I resigned from my job last year is the date my mom is going to come this year. How time flies and this also shows how we take time for granted sometimes. What have we done in the past year that would make us proud the next year?

What i can say about 2009 is that Its one of the memorable year for me as it is my first time staying in Australia for such a long time.

Coming to Hope made me reallized how much I miss out on God and serving him, reading his words and truly understanding it. I see so many younger people doing so much better in this area compared to me and I would say that I'm preety ashame of myself sometimes. I don't really think that I've acheive anything great in life except studying and more studying. Well I guess the greatest acheivement so far for me is to be here in Australia living on my own which I wish that I could have done earlier.

Well I guess everything has its purpose and reason. I was meant to come this time I guess. If I came earlier I probably wouldn't have experience what I'm experiencing now. I will just have to wait upon the Lord to see what is in store for me this year........

What I would really hope for is to find a job here in Australia...if not Singapore.....I don't want Malaysia...just yet.....but if its God's will or I meant to be in Malaysia then I just have to.

Haha before you know it, ITS 2011 already........So I must remind myself to make full use of this year regardless of where I will be because I know God will always be with me everywhere I go. I shall never be alone.

lml

I got my results for semester 2 , 2009

2009-12-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

I received my results last Thursday. I was actually shocked that I got 3 distinctions and one credit. ITs a miracle! I wanted to quit at the start of the second semester but I was encouranged not to. By my housemate and also by pastor in church. During that week of trouble and the thought of giving up, I am always encourage through life group and messages in church that God made us the head not the tail and if we believe and trust in God we won't have the spirit of fear or low self esteem. The spirit of God in us say that we can do it and we are meant to overcome fear and be leaders of the nation. This gave me a lot of courage to face the semester.

If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! (Proverbs 24:10)

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:29)

I will always tell myself to try my very best and leave the rest up to God. Although there are many thoughts like being the least experienced in class, not capable of being a manager at my age, not being outspoken enough in class and so on.....I learn to accept the fact that eventhough these circumstances tell me that I can't , I can through GOD. For he strenghtens the weary and gives hope to to the hopeless.

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always (1 Chronicles 16:11)

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace (Psalm 29:11)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

lml

visiting the old folks home

2009-12-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday a group of us went to an aged care facility to sing some Christmas Carols. It was my first time in an aged care. My hospital work experience in the past have definately helped me a bit in communicating with the older people as i have dealt with many older patients. This visit however touched my heart because i could see the positivity in everyone who were there. 'Its a fun place to be but at the same time you lose your freedom' a lady said. The western culture is so different from our Asian one. None of the Asian parents wants to go to the old folks home and they would be unhappy with their children who send them there.

One thing I learned from communicating with this people is life experience and the sense of gratitude towards life. Everyday is a gift from God and waking up to a new day is a miracle. People often take their lives for granted until something happens to them or when age catches up with them. This comes back to the common question of what are we doing with out lives which is beneficial not only to us but to others as well? I've signed up to be a volunteer in the center hopefully they would take me in as I feel this is the place where I can learn a lot about life and not forgetting having the God as the center of it in this context.

Knowing that God loves you every single day gives you assurance and peace that everything is ok and fine even when age catches up on you or anything happens. For he is our refuge for those who are weary and in need of comfort. This trip have reminded me of the importance to appreciate the live we have and to use it well to bless others. We only have one chance, ONE LIFE....

The period where people leaves melbourne....

2009-11-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today we just sent sam off the airport. It's quite sad actually to see people leaving and going back to their home country. These past few days i was thinking that if I was in his shoe I definately be so sad. Melbourne and Hope church to me is the place where people from all over the world are united together. When they finish their course and head back home the time spent here in melbourne will definately be remembered. I'm really honoured actually to have this experience right now.

Obviously we want these experiences to last and never go away but it can be difficult when you don't have your family here with you. You're kinda torn in between. Here you have friends to be with and they will treat you like a family but at the end of the day nothing beats having your own family around you. It is also the sense of responsibility to be around them when you grow up and also a sense of responsibility towards your home country for its provision for you when you are growing up.

People are always wanting the best in life. Which makes them migrate over to Australia and other places for security and financial stability. But at the end of the day the question we have to ask ourselves is where our roots are. Obviously we know but its because of factors like political and economic stability of our countries which make us think twice or forget about it. Most people would say that it is the working hours. People just want more money and less work i guess. I admit I'm one of them. I guess now seeing sam going off then cheryl and they have no intention to get PR makes me really think of whether i really want to stay in a country which I was never raised and born. I truly believe that God made me a Malaysian for a reason. I guess if i can't get to stay in Australia it will be ok.

Staying in a country not ours can be hard at times especially when we don't have friends and to me a church to give us support and courage and we need. Hope church have definately made that difference in my life and this experience is the best of my life which i nv get to experience back in Malaysia. At the end of the day I guess no matter where we are we must always remember our roots and always acknowledging that God is always with us.

lml

Semester 2 is horrible...but there's more important things than that :)

2009-09-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

I just attended my 2nd day block day for quality management and having another one tomorrow. Sometimes i really question myself why am i taking this course. I chose the course because i hated the way management was run. After coming here i realised it had to be run as such because its private and profit oriented. The management should do what it should but i believe there are things that could be improved.

Sometimes i really question myself how on earth can i be a manager when i am not outspoken enough. I just feel scared when i am in a discussion with the aussies. They are so outspoken and good. They come out with ideas so quickly its like bang bang bang and i'm there still thinking of what to say or how should i put my words. I can't possibly speak manglish with them its embarassing. By not speaking up and saying what i think i guess i lost their respects, which in fact makes me feel sad and low as well.

I'm 26 and i'm not even there or anywhere in any company. People at my age are at least promoted to managerial or almost managerial level. Even if i didn't study now and stayed back in my previous job i doubt i can get anywhere as well. where can i go with the degree i took plus the lack of working experience i have? Sometimes i just wonder why did i made my life so complicated by taking so many courses and making myself suffer?

I guess many people at my age are facing the same problem. We're facing the quarter life crises where we want to advance in our careers but we don't know whether we will succeed. Those who are single are also worried that they may not find someone if they kept on pursuing their career.
I do feel like that sometimes but obviously we can't simply date anyone for the sake of it. It's wrong.

There many doubts and questions in life which seems to have no answer. When we don't get it we feel disappointed and wonder why. All i can say is the future is beyong our reach. What we can do is to make the right decisions now and look at what we can do for now.

According to Matthew 6:27 'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?'

Many of us worry too much about life and not appreciating the things we have now. The main thing we should appreciate now is we have a life and a healthy body that's what important. We may be facing challenges in our lives now or maybe in the future. Or maybe we went through some challenges which still affects us now. All i can say is 'Don't Worry'.

Matthew 6.25:
[ Do Not Worry ] "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Appreciate your lives everyday for it is a very special Gift from God to us and since He made us He will take care of us when we cast our burden onto the Lord.

Psalms 55:22 -
God can be trusted with our anxieties and concerns. Here, we're invited to hand our worries and problems over to God, who can handle them better than we can. He'll never let you down.

1 Peter 5:7
When we're feeling overwhelmed with stress, we're encouraged to "cast our anxiety" (sometimes translated "cares") on God. He's not a stern judge waiting for us to break under our worries; He actively wants to help carry our burdens.

So be happy :)

real life challenges

2009-05-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

I've been through a lot these past few weeks. Even more so these past few days. I eventually decided to go for the epidural injection for my backpain. I'm sick of taking my medication every night to sleep and the sleep i get is only a few hours. Insufficient sleep and the stress resulting from the pain is escalating every single day for me. At times i wonder why all this now?! here in Australia?!

Now its almost the end of the semester and then only i realized that 1.5 years eventhough with my masters will not qualify me to get my PR not temporary residency. What's the whole point of me continuing on with the masters then. Besides this stupid masters can be done off campus in Malaysia and i don't need to even come here. I'll be wasting a lot of my parents money!

I really don't know what i should do?..The option of taking Phd after that is another waste of money and i don't want to use my parents money anymore. Unless of course i have scholarship. This is so mess up......everything is so mess up......I need a light and a clue.

lml

my back.......why like that?

2009-04-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

Haha suppose to see the physiotherapist today but decided to save the $40 dollars and pray that my back will get better. Been sleeping better these past few days i think at least better than before. Yesterday was the worse day of my life. First i discovered that my phone bill went up to 90 dollars which is Rm 200 and i'm so shock. I hate three. Especially the irresponsible person who sells me the phone.

Secondly i decided to go for a swim to help improve my back but it turns out to be a disaster when my left leg got cramp up. Could hardly walk. Been calling all my friends in the area but no one seems to pick up the phone. The one who did say he couldn't help....He's not even trying to help. Never even call to ask how am i after that. . OR is it just the way the culture is here? If it is then i don't really like it that much.

Thank God i met a good friend on my way home. ITs God's plan. ITs late and dark and what are the chances of me meeting anyone i knw? I was resorting to go back home on my own. Sometimes when you are here alone it gets quite dawnting when this kind of things happens.

At least i'm home safe that's most important.

another day of pain

2009-04-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

i've been having pain in my back again since 3 weeks ago. I was in the emergency room in one of aussie known hospital. I was in so much pain till today. Just recently like a week the leg has gone down my legs again just like last time. I had no choice but to take the pain killers to ease it. I know its not good but i have no choice. I guess this is what it is when you're not well. I could imagine cancer patients living theirs days or maybe counting their days. Its something no one would want to think of. Then again the question of life and the purpose of it comes to us during this period. No many of us get a chance to live every single day happy and healthy.

With that fact in mind not many people know that they are well and living hence take the days for granted. Some go to the extreme of drugs, alcohol and losing themselves to the dark side of the society. While people like us wish that we don't have to take drugs everyday. Well i wish i don't have to at least.

Having pain is not a very fun thing at all it kills u not physically but emotionally. At times i do get depress, depress that i can't do much esp for now in terms of my assignments. Stress kicks in once in a while. But i won't let these get in to me too much. For now because i still have a life to live on. I need all the strength i can get from God and yeah ppl will just shrug it off saying 'God gave you the pain'. I don't believe so because he loves us too much to give us pain. I believe everything happen for a reason i guess this pain would make me stronger in life. Its a test and realisation that we're not that perfect as a human after all. By overcoming the pain i can do anything i set my mind to.

It's a hard thing to do sometimes but its not impossible.

some times i wonder what would have happen if......

2009-04-02T03:34:00.000-07:00

Here i am in Australia taking up my 3rd qualification. I'm 26 and i should be focusing on my career ladder like many others via experience. I'm here stuffing myself with knowledge and theory but not much experience. I'm not too sure how it works then. But i do believe nothing is impossible. I tend to think back of the decisions i made and the choices i should have made. Now i firmly believe that i should be a doctor since i like studying so much. I would prefer medical DR more than PHD Dr though. Its more interesting. I would think life in medical school would be fun and interesting besides the stress you have to take as well.

I would have become a doctor by now. If i'm in Australia i'm a resident :). Those days were gone for me. What can i do now? CAn't possibly turn back time. My parents the driving force so called drove me away from medicine. But i can't blame them my whole life because if i really wanted it i would have fight for it. But at that time i didn't want to go againsts my parents partly. Everytime i see or know someone is a doctor i will admire them with awe and feel like my ship has just past by.

If i could turn back time beside taking medic , i will definately want to come to Australia for my studies. If again i would ignore the negativity of my mom missing me and asking me not to study in Australia i would have. Even when i took my mba and wanted to come Australia my parents are also reluctant. I don't know why but i made my stand that time. Even when i did made my stand then there were hiccups for me to come to aussie. No one from the university actually coordinated it. So i thought there's no chance.

I wonder whether i would have gotten a bf if i did take another course besides the pathetic course i took which is 90% girls. Which company will i be working? Would i be a manager already? questions like this kept coming in and out of my head. I obviously have no clue. Regret then set it because i never set my mind to what i really want and get it. I would then wish for other people's parents who want their kids to become a doctor and encourange their kids to go overseas for exposure. Sometimes i really don't understand what were they thinking.

If they don't go china i doubt i even come here! Even if i don't come here i'm not even allowed to stay in the house my own self. How can i ever be independent hence coming here is the only way.

The only think i'm thankful for throughout my life is God's presence in it. I really believe that he have made it possible for me to come here. My dad is suppose to retire but he's still needed by the company. God's grace is upon him. If only he knew. Eventhough i feel angry/frustrated when i think back of those decisions and choices i should have or could have made, i can never deny the plan God had for me from the start to the End. Probably there's a reason why i don't have any luck with medicine nor coming here earlier. Its just this period of time when i don't have the answer and reason why, i wonder and think. that makes me anxious to know sometimes.

I can't live in this world by my ownself its too complicated. It was nv meant to be easy anyways. Now i realised healthcare is complicated and really not as easy and saying you would do this and that. All we need in our lives is to stop and think what do we have to offer to this temporary place we're going to be in and keep moving forward. Looking back won't help, except to stir up memories where some are really sad to think of. All i can tell myself is no regret and look forth for the best!:)

my life in australia

2009-03-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

It is now one month 6 days in melbourne for me. Started classes for 2 weeks already in my masters in hospital service management. Life here is good despite the unpredictable weather. Now its autumn it seems but there's sun once in a while. God has really bless my life i thought i would never have the chance to come here to study at all. Finally i'm here, though there are challenges but i believe with faith, hope and God it is possible. God even send a christian to sit beside me on the plane and another who stays in the same accomodation (not unit). Now i have 2 churches to go and choose from. Thank God as well that i took mba if not i'll be struggling with my current subjects. i have to study it myself at home! how nice home study.

My plan for now is to finish my studies, work here for a few years then go back. unless my plan changes. I want to work in SDMC again and manage it well hopefully. Working there is the reason why i wanted hospital management. Surprisingly on the day i came here to melbourne i sat the same plane as SDMC CEO. haha.....

Till then gtg self study...... :)

lml

today is the day i leave for aussie

2009-02-09T21:07:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it. today is the day i'm leaving for australia. this is the day i never dreamt that it would happen. i thought the days of going to australia to study is over. who goes there at the age of 26 to get a second masters? maybe got la but not many and not that i know of. haha......i don't feel really excited or sad. Just like a normal day for me only thing is i have to catch a plane to aussie that's all. When i'm there i'll definately be facing challenges bu this is part of learning.
Just leave all this to God's planning what challenges he will bring forth and hopefully help me overcome it.

In terms of staying there which many people asked me. For now if i'm still going to be single, i plan to work there for a few years, gain some experience and then come back to my country to work. Unless of course my significant other have a PR there :p.

Kinda sad to leave and i'm so going to miss my house here. I guess that's how my friends were when they first went overseas. I never get to experience that in the past. Oh well at least i'm going now while everyone else is here working.

Till then my life is in God's hand. Even if anything happens there's no need to punch ourselves over it or be overly excited. There's a reason to everything in life. I guess we just have to understand that and find our why.

lml

what's the buzz of having a relationship when it's over later on?

2009-01-04T05:05:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write about this partly because of the shows i had watch on TV. Either reality or not it does give its influences on viewers. The media can really influence our minds especially the children with no proper guidance. Having more channels on TV is not that great after all if children are allowed to watch scenes/movies which is 18 above. Even those who are 18 and above may not even be mature yet.

What sells on TV is the element of BGR, sex, looks and violence. With all this put in what is left of the movie? I rather not watch it because it may probably have a crappy story line with nothing to tell but ppl falling in love and breaking up. People nowadays are not believing in marriages and commitment and thinks that getting a divorce is a normal thing. So what's next?

It really disappoints me when i can't find any nice and decent movies with values to watch. If the show have no meaning then its meaningless. Shows which teach you about family value, culture, unconditional love and celebrating the true meaning of life should be watched more often.

The way some movies potray the way of how 2 people should fall in love is really sick and so wrong. Lust, looks, sex is all they know. Jumping from one person to another to look for that so called love is never ending. We are beginning to lose our judgement in determining what is wrong from right.

If only people can see and understand the true meaning of being together without the lust, sex and looks then only we can see who the other person is. Haih with that said its hard to find people like this anymore.

i resigned.........

2008-12-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

Finally the day had come for me to give in my letter. When i'm working and imagine that i'm going to work there for many years to come i don think i will get anywhere. Somehow resigning from my job which i began to become comfortable with is sad. Staying would mean i'm a senior tech. After being taught all the time now its the time that i teach ppl. But how much can you teach when in the first place you were nv really 100% trained in that field?

Well working in the hospital is an eye opener for me. Ive seen many sick people and its a totally different thing from the world outside. Well someone made me realised that not everyone can do the job i did/doing now. I guess resigning really makes me see my job in a different light. Well its just like 3 more weeks to go and that's it. What makes me stay on for almost 4 years is definately the people around me like my senior who works 24hrs a day almost everyday. It's her i wanted to help more than anything else. Unfortunately the management or higher authorities are not seeing or is even concern about how staffs are working their hearts out with no appreciation.

And this is one thing i hated abt this place. Too top down and no power at all for people who is specialised in their field. I can see potential in this place but nothing much is done about it which can be crumbling to the company. Well see how it goes.....i may come back here to make a change.

lml

life after mba

2008-11-15T04:55:00.000-08:00

There's only one thing i can say. I'm bored!Saturday is usually quite hectic for me when i have my mba. Work in the morning till 12 or 1pm then go for the 2 pm class every week. Tiring but fun. It's been almost 4 months since i finished my mba. Now i want back in! Hah.... so funny la. When we're in it we want to be out of it and when we are not we want to go back into it. Human nature i guess.

Now without mba i am reminded that i'll spend my whole life at home aimlessly. And there's only so much you can do at home. It will come to a time where you will feel bored and wish you had something to do and of course someone to talk to. Well going online helps but i again its only up to a certain extent. Then when you shut the computer down and look around it's back to normal again. haih.....

I could only think of a few reasons. My job is not interesting enough like a sales job where i can meet people often. Secondly, all or most of my friends have their own plans. Mostly with their bf and family. Haha the problem of being single at 25 yrs old. But this is the least of my problem.

It's year end again, christmas then happy new year. Next yr will be flying to australia. Excited but sad at the same time. What will life be like for me there? i hope not like what i am now here without mba. Thinking about next year is quite daunting. Study again but i'm more concern about the money. I really don't want to use up my parents money any more. I'm want to experience being poor there and build myself up. Find a job and study at the same time. This i believe makes an individual stronger in character and perception about life. To earn a living its not easy.

I believe there's plenty to learn in life. Hence i can't take it not doing anything at home. I don't know how some people can do it. If we don't improve ourselves no one will do it for us. Ok la i think i can do something now. Learn mandarin and prepare a speech for my toastmasters! :)

bloom conference 2008

2008-09-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just got back from church. They had bloom conference today and tomorrow. I never expected much from it but i heard from ppl that it's good. Today's session is special because i get to hear our subang MP hannah yeoh's testimony and how God has blessed her life.

She started off like you and i, a normal human being but probably with better leadership skills. She did well in school and was the head prefect all her life. Being a school prefect caused her to score badly in her SPM which eventually led her to depression when she went into college. A friend introduced her to God and asked her to pray. She went to salvation and told the person in charge of the shop 'I want peace'. That guy introduced something to her. Then she went to the MPH in subang parade and she saw a christian verse i think it's ' I'll nv leave you nor forsake you'. (i think this is the verse).

She said God found her in times of disappointments. She became a lawyer and worked in the law firm for 3 yrs. Hard job and can be boring at times. I guess this is what i'm experiencing now with my current job. At times i really wonder why i took medical bioscience and i get really upset with my parents not letting me take medicine, engineering my dad said hard for girls. aih.....:(

But hannah made a point its in this tough and trying times that a testimony can be made. She faced many challenges in life and especially in preparing for the march 8 election. She never expected to win because she's new as compared to her experience oppositions. She wants to make a stand and give to the people in this country. It's hard but in this trying times God is always there.

Sometimes things may not happen they way we wanted but God knows the outcome of each event and the only thing we need to do is to have faith and trust Him.

I was troubled by the decisions i had to make regarding australia and sales. But today i know what i want. Australia because i want to run a great hospital in our country malaysia which is patient based not business based. I feel there are too many hospitals just looking for profit but not too much on the well being of the patient. I may not know much abt healthcare management but soon i will.

My current job is helping me see all these and i think it's all planned by God. If i took medicine mba and hospital management is out of the question. The cost to study medicine is equal to all these. Well i just have to wait and see what has been planned for me.

I want to be the next person who can stand out in this country..........

lml

Decisions!!!!

2008-09-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Just last 2 weeks i got a call from a company who wanted someone with the EEG background. the title given to me was sales and support. The cool part is i get to go america for training. Now here is where the problem starts. I paid my fees to go Australia next year! Even the accomodation!(application). Now i have doubts
1) i already have my mba is hospital management necessary?
2) i can go up the ladder to management without taking that hospital management
3) Sales can help me see the business part of a company and meet more ppl
4) i can still study after i work in sales for a few years
5) but the thing is will i study again after a few years?what will happen then?

i really wanted to study in australia or somewhere to experience life outside malaysia. It's a great exposure. IT also teach me how to be more independent.

My plan to go australia is to study and then work in a neuroscience center then apply it in malaysia. Malaysia will then have it's first neuroscience center like IJN for the heart. I want to make it great.

But with sales where will i go? probably learn somethings abt it then i may probably get bored of the job later. But it's a good learning experience........no doubt some more get to go USA. (haha probably can still go when i have the money).

Hmmmm....how?well going australia is costly and i really don want to burden my parents. They don't mind paying for me though. I'm really thankful for my parents.

Life is full of decisions. decisions will determine my future.......
i think i may just go australia..............

last day of olimpic and the pain is still there

2008-08-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

The well awaited Olimpic in China is over today. I remember when it started i was in the hospital. And ever since then the pain has never left me. It's still on my left leg probably improved a bit but not completely healed. The pain is starting to take a toll on me. I have to admit i'm not only physically but spiritually down as well. I wish i wasn't but i am. I have been waking up in the middle of the night like 3 am to take my painkiller. i can never sleep past 5-6 hours. This is so horrible. Depression is there but i have to cling tightly to God. Proclaim healing is what they always say in church. I'm just waiting for the day to get well and better.

I went for accupuncture last thursday and it was like argh..... feels like injection then needle is around 10 cm long i think. Not only is the needle sticking on my back he sent current via the needles. Horrible experience and i have to go through it 9 more times at LEAST.

Tomorrow is another day at work. More work since KL is no more in hospital. I don't know how long can i last haih.....At least she finally get to do something she wants. Next year get to go Australia and i really want to manage my own hospital someday. The PID/back pain won't stop me from going there!

lml

my first time getting admitted

2008-08-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

Last thursday was my first day getting admitted in my very own hospital. Recurrent PID and L5 got pinched on the left. On Wed i tried to bear with the pain,sleep through it without any painkiller but i can't. Went to see doc on Thursday wanted to get myself admitted. It's interesting though to see how is it like from the in patient point of view. I have to say the service is quite good and the people are friendly i enjoyed staying in the hospital than being at home. Haha.....only thing is after a while u get bored cos the only thing u do is eat, sleep and watch tv. Not forgetting going to the toilet and bathe :p. Meet new people during my stay 1 lawyer and 1 grandma.

On the first night can't really sleep because i'm seeing nurses coming in the room constantly. So rajin. Then they change the bedsheet at 6.30am. Food is always on time and early. haha eat then take medicine then sleep ....zzzzzzzzz.......

So sad that my lawyer friend had to leave me on the second day. but i have the room all to myself i would have stereo sound system because can switch on both tv and have the volume full blast. I watch almost everything there is on TV.

Now i'm slightly better and able to sleep at night but not all position. i still can't sleep on my left side. Not many people come and visit me because not many know. It's fun to be by yourself and enjoy what is there around u. Maybe at one point in time there may be a period where u have to be alone by yourself. It's our perception of things that makes a difference and how we deal with out emotions when we're alone. Well some people don't think so and she tried to imply that i was selfish thinking like that. But that's her perception which i don't have to follow. Main thing is me and God not her.

Anyways, now i'm just spending my time at home surfing the net watching tv and TRY to gain some knowledge here and there. Don;t want to spend my time too much on TV and entertainment because i feel it's kind off killing my brain cells. I want to be as acknowledgeable as i can be. Can't wait to go australia and make a difference in my life and someone elses.

As long as we're still living and nothing serious has happened to us then we should do something in life to change the world. Give something back rather than just waiting to receive from those around us.

lml

what have i learned from my 2 weeks break.....

2008-07-18T01:18:00.000-07:00

You got it 2 weeks break. I took 2 weeks unpaid leave after my strategic management to visit my family members. The first thing I learned is to drive down to Malacca by myself and back. No problem :p. I also learned that i haven't been seeing my grandparents long enough to know that my aunt and the maid are actually doing a very noble job taking care of them.

My grandma has changed ever since she went for bypass. She couldn't sleep, not eating well, saying and doing things which we find strange. I could see the emptiness in her. She does the same thing over and over again everyday, sitting at the same spot. Sometimes i wonder what's in her mind. I tried sleeping with her to make sure she sleeps but she said if i don't leave she will so that i can sleep.

She's not confuse or anything just feel empty. It really takes a lot of patience and care out of a person to deal with her. She's really hard headed and dislikes people to tell her what to do. I saw her cried because she refuse to do what we want her to do. Wear her pants. It's sad to see her like that. Sometimes i really wish i can be like the clinical psychologist or someone.

Seeing my grandparents also made me think of the past. How time flies.......when i think of the past i see great people in my grandparents. Now that they are old i guess there's this emptiness u see in them. They used to do everything now they are jobless. My grandma use to manage the house from head to tail. Even wash clothes for my aunts when they already have a family. Took care of us grand children. But now that she's like that where's everyone. This also made me realised how often i should go back malacca and see them. When will we see them again in future only God knows. Family should be appreciated till the end.

I also learned more about my aunt which i never thought i would know and also my cousins. Great experience indeed now back to work and the old basic routine....

lml

finally my mba is over after 1.5 yrs of struggling....

2008-07-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

YEs i finished my last paper yesterday. Haha 1 of those typical subject where i don't really learn much. open book subject just copy the sentences from the book what else. I feel happy but i guess i'll only feel the effect this friday because i won;t have to go lecture anymore. I'm a bit happy and sad at the same time. Happy cos no more stress and i can enjoy life more by going out. Haha i just came back from ALvin's wedding my first experience driving to cyberjaya but lucky i have my trusty team mate who guided me all the way. Thank God for her....

I can still remember my first day going to the mba class and now it's already over. So fast. 2 weeks break to rest. I guess i really decided to go australia. Take up that hospital managemnt and try to gain some experience there. If only the way my mba is structured is ok then i won't consider taking this masters. I learn some stuff in mba but not really much la haih i guess it;s my job la. I nv apply what i studied. So basically back to square one.

But come to think of it seriously i nv thought that i could do it at all. Mba nv really cross my mind even if it did i nv thought i can pass any subjects. I'm kinda like 1 of those youngsters in class and i have the phobia of those older ppl disliking me. But things were not that bad. I learned from them and learned to think critically. I learned to fight for my rights more especially in term of being an employee. I see things more critically now i guess and definately gained many good friendship along the way.

I always believe that God has a plan for everyone in every situation. eventhough it may not be what we wanted but eventually it turns out well. We just have to keep pressing on and don't give up.......:)

lml

My brother is married!

2008-06-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

YEs he is. Just 2 days ago. Wish them happiness and best wishes. MAy God bless and protect them always. My parents just left for China not too long ago and my dad hugged me. I was so touched i cried (again). I'm really going to miss them. Especially my Dad whom sacrificed so much for us and ask nothing in return. Mom also la although she complains she has a good heart.

When i see my brother getting married, memories flashed back to the younger days. I still remember those times with him but i donno whether he does :p. It was really good. Then things change when he have his bunch of frens but he's still my brother nothing can change that. Now that he's married wow there so much more in life in store for me to see.

I can't bear to see my grandparents leave. My grandpa got parkinson he's so thin now and his muscles are so wasted. grand ma also. she just went through bypass and i'm glad she's ok now but weak as well. At times she just lost hope of living and i guess she's worried abt death.

The world is changing. Floods, earthquakes, drought,typhoon u name it it's there. It's what's stated in the bible in the book of matthew. Sign of end times? Seem like it.

Time passes so fast. I'm almost finishing my mba race and starting another 1 next yr in monash australia. By then haha. I'll make that difference. I hope to be the next JAck Welch.
Actually to tell u the truth i nv could have imagine myself last time taking business and furthermore MBA. But i did it and i could say i can do it. With determination and faith all things are possible and definately trust in GOd.

Tilll then signing off ......

lml

my last module happy and sad at the same time ...

2008-06-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

I just finished my weekend classes for my last module. 'strategic management'. it's just 5 more weeks to go and my course is done. If i pass all i already got my mba. I can do many other things than to stay in the lab for the rest of my life. It's good to finish, the stress is over but i really do miss the fellowship with the people in class and going through modules together. now i dono what to do after mba if i plan to go aussie next yr to pursue my hospital management masters.
To me y i wanted to take mba was due to the patients and they are always caught in btw the management and the employees. i want to change that.

Well at least by then i have more time for other things and 1 of it is church. I hope to play a more active part in it. Today i went to church after class. Seeing so many new faces most of them African. They reminded me of the pass African friend i used to have in cbc. i welcomed her with open arms and drive her around places like pasar malam to intro her to our Malaysian lifestyle. But non of us knew she was gay and no wonder she acted weird at times. trying to put her arm around my waist saying really weird and awkward things. not only to me but 2 other ppl. From that point in time i really have to be careful when meeting foreigners. She gave me the phobia and the creeps. But i know i shouldn't be bias just bcs of her actions. There are many good ppl out there.

i guess i really have to admit that i haven't really considered acts as part of me yet. well partly bcs i'm new so called and i don really know many ppl.

they are at it again....haih:(

2008-05-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i heard them argueing again. As usual i heard her beating him. I guess that's what it sounded like. When she gets angry she's really a different person. If only God is in the center of their life. Come on man you all are getting married work with each other in this situation when u don agree with each other u are become 1 now. Haih.....

Even though i have nv been into a relationship but i have to agree with 1 thing find someone really good where u agree with every thing he/she have. It's no point going into a relationship for the sake of 'oh she/he's fun to be with', 'she/he always laugh at my jokes', 'the way she/he smiles is so nice', bla bla.......

The main thing in relationship is how u can handle conflict? If u don agree with whatever he/she is doing say it straight forward in the very beginning and b4 u enter into the relationship. If he/she don't want to change then pls second thought unless u can be patient with him/her like that. I rather have a good and quality relationship than to stay on and suffer myself.

This the prob of relationship nowadays and especially so in western country.
What does relationship actually means nowadays? Ppl are not thinkng of long term and finding the really good life partner which they can really share their lives with.
I notice a few married couples and couples in church which i really admire because they centered their lives on God and not the world. I want to be in that situation. They're just perfect with each other. More so with God.

I just pray that both of them will be fine and no more arguments please. It does affect the ppl around them. If they have kids lagi susah. The kids may follow their attitude and if she really needs help hope she will turn to God. I wish i could help but i donno how. I just want the best for them. But i'm afraid i'll make things worse. They have to solve it themselves all i can do is pray for them. :) Hope for the best.

lml

we are not alone

2008-04-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

This my 2nd week into my vumba ERS module. This is my 2nd last module praise the Lord!

Last thursday i prayed for a patient! i went for portable EEG. Then this lady was so worried and anxious abt everything that she can't sleep and she's worried she can't sleep! She have breast cancer, under went chemotheraphy. Everytime i do portable i would try to pray for the patients in my heart. 1 day i wish i could just really pray for a patient. So anyways this lady was worried abt this and that and she beacame very jittery. I told her not to worry and ask her which God she prayed to. She said buddha. Then i asked her do u think buddha can help u overcome this?
She nv answered just worry again. So i asked her do u believe in Jesus? and the amazing thing is she asked me to pray for her but in mandarin! i was like ok. 1 thing my mandarin is ok only not really super. But i prayed anyway and feel so good after that. wow it's really amazing!

Recently my friend found out that she had cancer. Nv in my life i would imagine this will happen. We work in hospital we just see ppl having it but would nv thought that it would happen to someone close to us. Chemo ,radiotherapy and surgery the 3 cures to cancer. But besides all this i still in believe that God is the healer of all. Even though when the world comes tumbling down he will nv fail us. All we have to do is just to have faith and believe.

The slip disc i had b4 which caused me so many problems especially pain is now gone and i really want to give the glory to God. At times when things don seem to go our way or knock us off course just know that this is part and parcel of life don let challenges put u down. We are not alone in this world. We have God to rely on when man and the world fails us! :)

lml

music so loud!

2008-04-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

I just came back from monash uni. They had some event there so a bunch of us from class went to support our fellow mba senior who will be playing the guitar. Goodness the music is so loud my ears are going to burst! Yesterday some more i went to Taylor's college see a band which i heard of but had no interest in. I nv even intend to go but kl wanted to go so i thought okla just have a look.

Well not many ppl were there in Taylors just a bunch of college students. Their dressing oh my some are really dress to kill. Since i nv even though of going there i wore t shirt and my track bottom bcs i went jogging. The music was equally loud. I wish i was nv there.

When i was sitting down doing nothing i was observing the younger generations which were there (cheh like i so old...:p). I thought to myself at that age i nv even thought of coming to this kinda thing. Some more wear like that. Nv in a million years. And i definately don want to see my kids there at all. Their thinking is so different and i wish that they all just wake up and open their eyes and really see what is actually going on. But sometimes its hard bcs u're already in the group which do not see. You become blinded. Young ppl are more and more daring nowadays doing daring things which we at that time would nv have thought of doing. It's kinda sad to think abt this.

HAving kids at this era is really tough and i could understand the plight of some parents. They have to adapt to a different way or bringing up their children if not they may even lose their children to the outside world. haih.......
So how what can we do? This is the question which i really find it hard to answer.....:(

lml

Teenacity revolution party

2008-04-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the Teenacity revolution party in church. I'm glad to have both my cousins there. This week was not a very good week, spending the whole day at home studying my business finance like mad. Turns out the exam was also bad. i think i can pass it but i'm leaving it all up to God. Only he decides.

anyways i offered to usher for the teens doubt i'm doing a good job. Seen many faces and ppl of all sort of background. the typical ppl u nv expect to see in church were also there. i think they all come for the i-pod. But at least they came and i think church is doing a good job.

Well i was there ushering, i see ppl younger than me already leading the team and event and the way they do their job is really professional and good. they took a step out for God and did it gracefully.

The time came for ppl to accept Christ. i was praying really hard for someone to take a step of faith and believe in Jesus. She didn't lift her hands up. i was disappointed at first and told myself like the times before. It's ok i just have to believe that 1 day God will touch her heart and she will know him. then suddenly a leader came by and brought her into the room. she said she accepted but her only concern is her family. I told her it's a decision she have to make for herself not anyone else. If u really believe with all your heart u won't let anything else bother u. It's the step of faith u have to take. Pastor Kenneth took that step and many steps of faith to be where he is right now. No one would believe that he was from a broken family.

I really hope that 1 day i can also be like him to make a difference in the world out there as the world is getting from bad to worse physically and mentally.

lml

3 more subjecs to go

2008-03-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

Just took my international marketing paper yesterday. basically the whole paper is only about 3 things. Standardization, adaptation and culture. i think the paper was ok for me.
anyways, in July when i graduate what am i going to do? i already got my mba i really don't want to stay in the lab anymore! KL is leaving as well. argh i just wish i got the opening to go aussie this yr so i don have to worry abt what am i to do for the second half of the year!
Sales job is impossible bcs no 1 wants someone who is leaving the job in less than a yr. so where and how can i gain my experience from? if i quit my job i really have so much free time and especially without any assignment and mba anymore i'll rot. staying and continuing my job hmm... i don know i'll have the patience......there's still many things i don't know and i'm really doing it technically. just playing around the buttons, getting caught in the middle btw management, doctors and vendors debate regarding machine ..bla bla......well my senior gets all of it but i just feel as frus as her. The management is obviously making things tough and hard. i just don get them and i really want to change it all when i have the power and ability.

i really want to gain some management experience but i guess i have to wait. wait wait.... just like finding a right guy to come into my life haha which i feel is so far off. but at the end of the day i know that God knows every single needs we have, and he's actually orchestrating ways for it to happen. It's just that some of us can't wait and take things into our hands which disrupted his plans for us.

Oh ya today is also pastor A and WL's wedding in church. pastor is 31i think and he dated when he was like 30 or 29?which is kinda like late for most ppl but it nv was because at the end of the day see what God has provided for him? i guess a girl which is more than he expects. i bet he just waited on God. You know what i'll just do the same and continue to trust God for my future and whatever he have set for me.

He saved me from the near death experience for a reason. Everything i do he'll be there for me no matter what. i just have to trust him.

lml

near death experience

2008-01-13T02:04:00.000-08:00

Haha so called the start of the year. I was driving home from uni yesterday. I saw the traffic light for the cars on my right side turn red. Then mine turned green. So i moved. Not long i heard a horn on my right i quickly braked and turn to my right. A small kancil was driving directly at me but manage to swerve in front of me. The timing was just right. If i had gone faster or nv break on time i'll be gone. At that speed i'm killed. But i really thank God for his protection over my life. Anything can happen in life. At that very moment without expecting anything things can go bad
So really have to use and take every minute and second given to us everyday as a blessing.

lml

the last day of 2007

2007-12-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

the day has come. the last day of 2007. & i'm stuck here alone at home doing nothing. Everyone probably had plans and went out. WAs suppose to go to church but kinda tired. But then i also don wanna sleep. Came online to look for someone to chat to but not many seems to be on and those who are online are slow to reply or never reply. Ah well........that's new yr for me. Every year is the same. Most of my new year i sleep through it. Just felt sad leaving the previous year but can't do a thing about it.

In my mind right now is are few senarios. Images of ppl partying and shouting HAPPY NEW YEAR!.....then there's ppl like me at home alone.....:( haih......then the saddest of all ppl who got sick and admitted in the hospital.....

Attending to patients like that on the eve really makes u think a lot. Especially when they are still so young and many more yrs ahead of them. when 1 member of the family falls everyone suffers. :( haih..........

now it;s like 1 hr plus to 2008. I'm really going to miss 2007 :(..........MEMories........

lml

merry christmas and happy new year again!

2007-12-27T04:07:00.000-08:00

well then it's the end of the year again. took really long leave on the 24 and 26th dec to clear my leaves. came back to work today to discover that i made many mistakes at work. i realise how blur i can get and i feel it has become worse :(. i really donno la. I just wish that i'm not dumb at times. I can't perform at work and studies. I really try and try but at the end there's times where i donno why am i like that. I think my colleague is better at handling stress than i am now. I just wanna cry. Can't imagine myself even going into management. I may just screw up. The mistakes i made is not affecting lives like taking the wrong samples or something but i'm actually making everyone else pay for my mistakes. :(

ah well just hope to learn from it and be more alert. i wanna be intelligent and when ppl ask me questions i can answer bcs i know. aih.....

anyways new year is around the corner. what will next yr be for me?

lml

mba aloha

2007-12-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

Just came back from zazu in sunway lagoon. We had an mba outing after our marketing exam. argh....so hard the exam. Anyways we had fun! i really enjoyed myself and with the food there. Unfortunately i nv win anything for the lucky draw haha.........
I've seen a lot of new couples in the class. There's 2 couples who met each other in the mba class. How nice......hmmm i wonder there's anyone left? nah.....
I get to also truely see the real side of ppl outside of the mba class. I nv realised how many smokers are there in class and also drinkers.
There are moments where i felt alone seeing all of them having fun......esp when they have someone to be with. I just have this feeling like i've missed out a lot of things in life. My life just revolve around only a few areas. Nv beyond that. I really wish i can change all that take up the challenge. To something different.
The year is ending!Getting old soon.....I guess i really have a lot of things to learn in terms of PR. that's what my other brother lee said. see how la......

lml

number ..........without parents

2007-11-28T05:23:00.000-08:00

Well i guess some of u don't know. my parents went to china this year in the month of MAY. so far they nv came back except that 2 weeks. when we're staying with them we wish that we can stay alone or move out to have our own life. partly bcs of the nagging and controlling. if your mom talks alot non stop u'll then find it annoying. eventhough u shouldn't but then we do somehow. Now i'm staying with my brother and his newly registered wife. they're in their own world and i'm in my own work (mba). we don communicate at all. So everyday when i come home i'll be in my room and they'll be in their room. The house is so quiet if not for the internet i'll die of boredom. It's sad when there's no communication in the family.

the 2 weeks when my parents came back to visit. I can really see that our family became 1. mom will cook for all and then everyone will sit together to eat. Life is more livelier. We not isolated in our own individual cells. it was then i realize the importance of my mom. she actually brings all of us togehter in some way. though she may talk a lot but she does make us all 1. and i dearly miss that. my dad will then be the captain of the ship steering us all the crew. haha:)

lml

Being parents...it's hard

2007-11-10T06:49:00.000-08:00

Ha don't be mistaken i'm not a mom yet. i also donno whether i'll be or not :p. It's just that this thought struck me suddenly when i had a chat with 1 of my mba friend in the car when i send her back home. 1 thing i notice in mba is the commitment of parents in the class which i really salute. They have to balance their time with studies, work and family. i wonder how on earth do they do it.

Well coming back to my thoughts. i was sharing with my friend about certain parents probably in a typical chinese family (i think). Well it happens in my case..... i was thinking in the case of my mom. She's always asking me and my brother where is her money and she'll also say a lot of things in addition to it. Then she say things like will we put her in the old folks home..... and many other things like as though we'll disown her or something. I donno whether this happens only to my family or not. as for my dad he'll more open and doesn't demand much. If given, he takes if not never mind.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to ask or something but for me i think that if u want to do something and expect so much in return it's like you're not doing that whole heartedly. If u compare to the caucasian culture mostly. Parents are preety independent themselves if they are well and able they don't rely on their kids much. Well u're ill and all that's a whole different story.

To me when i become a mom (if ever), i just know that my job is to raise up my kids well give them what they need physically and emotionally. When they grow up i make sure i have some savings to keep myself alive in case my kids really didnt care because i feel these things cannot be expected. All i know is that i've done my best as a mom to raise them up and and all it's up to them to learn other things by themselves. I can only teach them that much.

I've read in the newspaper abt kids not visiting their parents very often that the mom/dad had to rely on them selves. there's an article abt this old lady who made swans out of recycled paper cup and sell it to earn a living. It seems that her kids seldom see her. Another incident is that this old lady died in her house. No 1 knew until a neighbour smell this really foul smell coming from the house. Don;t knw how long the lady died. It seems her kids seldom visit her either.

It's sad hearing or knowing this kinda story. How could anyone do something like that. It's bad when the parents gave all they can for their kids and the kids nv really appreciated it. That goes for grandparents too. i guess we definately learn many of our values from they way our parents treat their parents. We as grandchildren should also spend time with our grandparents to appreciate them for raising up our parents well.

Sometimes i feel , we as children we tend to judge our parents based on what they did to us especially bad things. Probably like they punish us or embarass us ........but we nv really see the truth of what they really did for us.

If u observe young parents handling their babies. 1 thing u will surely observe is that they are always there for the baby, makes u really think abt how your parents treated you when you're a baby.

I guess as a conclusion, it's hard to depend on people to be what you want them to be . They can do something behind your back and in front they're angels. i guess that's what most parents faced with some of their teenagers. If for me i'll advice and if it doesn't work i guess they have to learn it the hard way by their ownselves. Just hope that the hard way doesn't involve anything tragic. If really that happens all we can do as parents is to just be there for them. Like the story in the Bible of the Father with the prodigal son.

lml

6 down 6 more to go!

2007-10-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

well at last MIS was over yesterday. Thank God it's open book just copy and paste word for word. It's another 4 more days before the next module starts use/do the most i can to enjoy. HAha. Went to acts again today with my 2 cousins then went to search for job in pyramid. I can't think of myself searching for a job at that age. my mom is like no!

everytime after exam i do feel alone. the only thing i always do is to stay at home play com game,chat...... It's not that i don want to go out it's just tat my frens have their own frens and they go do their outings among themselves. well mba is 1 of the solution to keep me going and stop thinking that i'm alone. After mba i think i'll continue with another masters course in aussie for 1.5 years. Just continue to improve my self as much as i can life is more than thinking that u're alone. Well as a matter of fact i was nv alone bcs i know GOD. HE was always there for me. Some times i just oversee it.

eventhough i don go out with my frens i do go out with my family. i really like spending time with them. my cousins,uncle , aunt and of course my parents but they are not around here in malaysia at the moment. to me family is the most important because they were there since we're young. also gave us so much more memories as compared to friends. these memories stay with us longer till we die. At the end when u're lying in your death bed. All your family members will come but not all your frens will come. Unless of course your family disown u or something but that is another story.

eventhough by spending time with my family i can't get to meet much guys as my age is catching up, it's ok. i rather be close to my family. haha even my mom is worried that i won't be meeting anyone. But i do believe that God will provide. I put my trust in Him. :)

Just let life run it's course. Some people may come and some people may go. IT's just part of life. How we view life is how it will be to us.:)

lml

my visit to glad tidings.

2007-10-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah......last week was quite a bad week for me considering the fact that i've made so much mistakes and the machines are all playing tricks on me on after another. argh and i just felt frustrated and then i sudden hated my job so badly. Told my dad abt it and he said that in life u have to face challenges and it is through these that u grow and learn. I understood what he meant and i thought well it's kinda true because everytime when we're faced with problems we tend to avoid it or blame it on everything else so that we don't look too bad.

glad tidings is another church i went besides dumc and acts church. yesterday God somehow spoke to me again. extra advice given besides the one my dad gave me. Life is full of surprises. these surprises can be challenges in life like financial burden, lost of love ones, work related like mine..... Don't quit fighting until the battle is over. Face it with faith and perseverence. we have the ability to counter attack all we need is faith and believe in our ability and what can be done. Never say never and don't give up.

the pastor gave an illustration : The british soldiers in the past was actually weaker than Napolean and his team but they won because they are willing to fight for 5 more minutes.

God does things and move in mysterious ways. You'll be surprise what God can do for you.
With that i guess i will continue with my job and try to learn something new everyday.

lml

why am i still working here?

2007-10-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

come to think of it it's really frustrating and tiring to do the same thing over and over and over x1000 again and not even knowing what you're doing. Basically the i'm just not well trained for this job. Lucky i am still young if not patients won't have much patience with me. Test which only takes 1 hr or half an hour i will only complete it in like 2 hrs? Unless of course they have carpal tunnel syndrome which makes my day but obviously it won't for patients. this applies for nerve conduction studies. Don't understand? forget it. today i made so many mistakes that i had to call in patient 3 times to redo her tests. lucky she was patient if not i donno la. But i do feel bad though. Haih........ i want to go but i really don't know. Taking part time is also a problem (for my parents). I guess i'm just not the type to say no to them. Well i shouldn't anyways. At times i really donno whether i'm too bounded by them.

It's seriously hard finding for a job we like. I guess most people face this problem.

I guess mba is really my way out so hope for the best.

What is love?

2007-09-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

It's probably hard for you to imagine knowing this from me because i have nv dated anyone before. Well just have little crushes here and there which usually don't end up real because i would realised that that guy don't suit me, have a gf or now at my age these guys are planning to get married.:p. Since young we have this perception about relationships and love from the tv. Well the perception changes over time and the 'in thing' now for ppl well some ppl is the one night stand thing which is definately not love at all. Relationship has now gone to the lowest and unappreciated level ever.

Well being single all this while u do feel lonely and especially the fact that u see ppl around u having relationship or getting married and so forth. you feel that u're left out. I do feel that too. It gets even worse when u watch korean dramas or any HBO romantic movies and u wish u have someone there with u. Well the truth is there isn't at the very moment......

Well i guess i'm not he only 1 here. So what happens then?We saw someone we think we like and suddenly got bold that we go up to him/her so quickly that we want that person fast. We think of him/her, tell our friends abt it because it makes us excited and all. When he/she don react or respond to the way we want them to we will feel sad and thought aiya shouldn't have done this/that.......

The truth is, actually why worry abt what u should do/not do......Like that guy/girl even bother. Well if they did they would have responded and u can definately see the signs but if no sign then just don worry abt it. Don't fall in to this feelings which can or could possibly drain us emotionally because we would tend to think abt it a lot and lost focus on other important things around. Love is a gift don expect it or crave for it too much because it can really drain us out emotionally trying to get it from ppl especially those ppl who are not interested.

MAin thing is not to get too caught up in this love web. As for me, i'll stay single unless of course there's really someone out there for me. Only God knows. For now i'm trying to be a better person in life.

lml

my visit to DUMC

2007-09-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

Yahoo my economic exam finished yesterday. At last again another round of freedom but only 4 days b4 i start another subject this coming friday. Today i went to YC's church. The church is so big and nice and perfect. 3 languages preach at a time. According to YC it's around 3000+ people. I really felt God's presence here in church. The pastor's message is also very good. The best part of his message is nv underestimate 1 self because each and everyone makes a difference to the world. You may not even know it. :) He gave a few example and come to think of it if person A was not there to solve the issues between B and C, B and C will nv be friends. We can be A 'the peace keeper' or maybe we are but we don't know. I feel that this is a really good church to go to. I also feel that today everuthing is planned out for me. After the service i get to go to the young working adult talk about Godly leadership at work place. It seems that all the characteristics that the leadership/management gurus talk abt are actually all found in the Bible. Many people focus on servanthood leadership which is 1 of the characteristics found in Jesus. As a leader 1 must be humble,honest,caring to be a successful and trustable leader. I shall nv forget that.....

lml

I'm better!

2007-09-02T00:07:00.000-07:00

well firstly the pain is no more there. And i believe that with hopE and faith things will always be better. God is also there to bless, heal and protect. Started exercising ie walking around my area every evening when i'm back from work early. I wish i had someone to walk with it's kinda bored and scary walking alone. I used to walk with my dad when he was here in Malaysia.

Guess what today is also my brother's birthday!and his new wife's! Bought for them cakes and presents. hope they like it. I used to buy something for my brother some positive note poster when he was in the mist of depression i think cos he broke up with his gf. He kept it in the room for a while and then 1 day i saw it in the toilet window. I was sad but what can i do. i did my best.

I haven't been in talkng much with my brother since he went college. He's quiet i know but if he can talk to his frens y not to the family?this is the thing i always wonder. Probably i'm too annoying? But at least i have the memories of us together when we were young being close. i guess that will stay in me and keep me going.

I pass my operations management and i don even think i remember what was taught that much. Now i'm doing my economics and as usual the exam is not very far away just 2 weeks!
Study, work, study! Ah well..........

Now i'm also deciding whether to leave cbc?switch to acts?fga?dumc?i really donno. Till then we'll see.

lml

Argh management is so hard for me!

2007-08-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

well i just finish my exam yesterday. haih tough 1. don even know whether i can pass it. sometimes i really wonder why i made this decision to take such a course. I think it's more for the sake of going australia more than anything hehe......:) partly i also thought everyone should at least know something related to business at the end of the day. But i really find it hard without much working experience and no prior business knowledge. It seems that everyone else out there is so good. How they know so much i wonder......... But then again learning is good only thing which bothers me or make me feel insecure is my inability to contribute any knowledge.
I thank God for good team members who have been so patient with me....... I guess i just have to wait for them to ............. :) i'll be on my own then.

Part of the reasons why i take MBA is because i feel frustrated that whatever i learned of studied went down the drain and i had to start from 0. No point studying then. I regretted not being bold enough in the past to go for what i want. but then again they say u only use 1% of what u study when u work. Well i think that applies more for business ppl. For science like doctors or pharmacies they apply what they study and i like that. I also like ppl to come to me to consult me on what i know. I hope MBA can provide me that and i really have a lot more things to learn. Probably may consider taking Master in a science course. Provided of course if i'm still single. Which i think will be high chances of it coming true. Just leave it up to God.

lml

I met the money doctor on tuesday

2007-07-25T03:14:00.000-07:00

haha money doctor.....why ah?haih........well last tuesday was my follow up with my doctor. Told him pain again. He said again go for operation. He said 3 months with the pain he would have given up all the medication and say go for operation. i was like huh? Hello?! it's almost a yr already. WHat does he mean by that? He then lowered my painkiller dosage cos he say it's not good long term. I was like man how many have i taken already! When i asked him abt my other alternatives he said don't ask him. He just want to cut me up la end of story just to get my money. Haih not all doctors can be trusted la. seriously so......

I just heard a story of an irresponsible doctor who told a patient that he was normal when the fact is that he have a stroke on 1 side of his brain. The doctor just treated him with painkillers for the frozen shoulder. Now he's back with both side brain stroke. How could this be haih..........

well lets see what happens next then.

lml

my number ummmm..........X day of having slip disc

2007-07-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

haha the way i say it like it's a very nice thing like that.. well bet you guys wanna know how i even end up myself with this situation.....let me start by saying..............
Once a......aiya last yr la :p before CNY, i suddenly had this really painstaking back pain on my lower back that i couldn't really bend back. when i do it hurts. so i went to the staff health and see a doctor. He asked me to go for a lower back X-ray. Commented that my L5-S1 is a bit narrowed and said that it's not serious. Unless the pain comes back which then i'll be referred to an orthopaedic doctor.

Obviously the pain did came back. And I was referred to an orthopardic surgeon. He asked my history and rule it as just a normal muscular ache. He adviced my to go for exercises which helps strengten my back. So i decided to join a gym nearby my work place. I asked the fitness experts so called what sort of exercise i have to do to strenghten my back. All of them say yoga and pilate. Ok so i join Yoga. When i see my ortho doc again due to another attack of pain or follow up i told him abt yoga and cycling he said fine. The only thing he ask me to do is not to jump too much or carry heavy stuff.

Life goes on until 1 fine day, during a yoga session there's a sudden pain on my lower back on both sides. it's different from the one i had b4 which was concentrated in the middle. This time it's at the sides. I went to see my ortho again and he asked me to do an MRI. Turns out that i had a slip disc at L4-L5 and i should have not done yoga and cycling. My mom blamed me for my error or incapability to see this coming. She nv even wanted me to join gym. I doubt she don want me to join bcs of this but rather more so bcs she don want me to go anywhere. Now that would be a different story i'll explain futher maybe next time.

Great i have slip disc. So he started me on pain killers, hmmm... cerebrex 200mg, neurontin 300mg, metacobal and i donno what else la. first 1 tablet then 2 and neurontin he even went up to 3 tab a day. It was horrible. Not to mention he has just recently dose up my pain killer to a different brand, arcoxia 90mg. The last time i went to see him i asked him to give me a jab. But even that jab didn't work. The painkiller is not good for me now. That 2 tab neurontin don't work out well for me either. Worse still standing up after sitting down for a long time is pain so pain for my left leg. Argh.....

The doctor say surgery is not too far away for me. Well see what he have to say this coming tuesday then...........

lml

the true meaning of life from my perspective

2007-07-18T06:42:00.000-07:00

what does life means to u?everyday u wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face and head off to work/school. then few hours later you're back home again. well depends on when u reach home. and then u sleep and wake up (unless of course u're suffering from sleep disorder or amnesia). haha life has always been like that for me. when u reach 20 ++ u think back and realised oh man there goes 1 day and another and ANOTHER! it nv ends! well i can't even imagine how our parents or even worse grandparents think abt their everyday. grandparents i think they either wish they can turn back time or maybe think when i'm going to die?
i'm sure we may even hear this kinda remarks from our parents. saying like '1 day when i leave this world then only u know the importance of me being around'. well i got that a lot from my mom bcs she nags and we just ignores it. hehe i guess it's just the way she says things sometimes but then again she meant well :).
working in the hospital, going to church have really thought me a lot abt life. i get to meet many ppl in the hospital who sort of get so worried abt life that they are either not willing to let go or just let life's difficulty ruin them. everytime i meet with old patients or should i say older.....patients they tend to complain aiya here pain there pain.........
i'll always unbutton my lab coat (of course i'm wearing something inside what u expect?:)) and show them what i'm wearing. A corset!. and i told them i'm not different from YOU!and i'm younger than you!

whenever my mom complains abt her ear pain.......i'll remind her 'I'm not different from u!' i would just ask her to have faith and stay confident that everything will be fine and well and that i'll pray for her.

1 of the reasons y ppl feel so insecure and empty inside it's because they're relying on their own strenght and it's really impossible to do so. We definately need someone great in our lives to help us through difficult times and i know God is there all the time. whenever u lose hope and faith just know that someone is watching over u. it's hard i know but i cannot stop believing and having faith. it's better to have than not to have bcs when we don't have we lose everything.

FYI typing this has already putting strain on my back and my leg is hurting.like a fren of mine say do something else rather than to focus on your pain. this is what i'm doing and i hope it has inspire u to nv give up in times of difficulties......
remember if u think u're worse there are ppl worse than u and if u want to compare it'll nv end. so just appreciate whatever u got....:)

lml

should i go for surgery?

2007-07-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

today is my last day of my 1 week mc. tomorrow i'll have to work again. my back is not getting any better staying at home. i have a slip disc at L4-L5. the pain goes down my left leg. should i go for the back surgery? the doctor has been increasing my pain killer dosage everytime i see him. i opt for the corticosteroid injection but it didn't work. my pharmacist fren say that if it didn't work i have to end up taking a higher opiate base drug like morphine. this is really horrible. so what is your opinion? should i or not. i have yet to try alternative treatments like acupuncture and see a chiropracter.

lml

my first mba presentation

2007-07-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

argh......just came back from my mba class not too long ago.....i did my first presentation in class. glad to get over and done with. i was practically shouting my heart out man but phew lucky i'm only presenting 3 slides. i guess 1/2 of the class was half dead by the time i presented. but i do get some good feedback. hehe....i guess toastmasters really helped me out. some more yesterday went for toastmaster humor contest. so i managed to use some humour in it. aha caught their attention.........with presentation over now back to my assigment. not forgetting i have to study. ish........but nvm at least got something to do. rather than to feel bored everyday hehe.....
i wanna watch movie la.......haih but no one to watch with........as usual la.......

lml