Today the feeling of regret and disappointment came back again. When my mom came here the feelings of oppression and frustration came back. Frustration because they don't allow me to take medicine and disappointment because I didn't fight hard enough in the past to take up pharmacy or the course i wanted. End up taking biomedical science and worked in places which didn't benefit me that much. One masters after another sometimes i really wonder what is the point. Everytime I see a doctor or know someone taking medicine I really envy them. There is negativeness of being a doctor I guess but depends on where you are working. Don't expect to rest in Malaysia or Singapore but i guess if I studied in Australia it's a good thing.
My mom called her friend not too long ago and she said management opportunities in Australia is hard to get. I guess the only option I have is to get a job in Singapore or study more which is Phd. However I really do think I should get some experience before continuing my PHD.
If only I could turn back time I will definately make some changes to the decisions I made and the course I want to pursue. Even if I do get to turn back time I doubt I can do the course I want. With my parents like that I don't think I can get to do much. My mom especially talks and nags non stop telling me what to do. Even now she still do it!
Which also made me realised one thing. I need to stay away from parents longer to really develop myself in making my own decisions. I'm old enough to do that. I beg to differ for teenagers they are still under parents supervision. Once we start working we have to develop our own identity. With parents guardian of course but without them forcing and telling them what to do. I really feel trap with my mom here. I can't freely do what I want and decide. She has her own thinking which is more narrow minded and straightforward. I guess different level of education and exposure creates that which can be difficult to change.
I really wanna develop myself fully without any hindrance, develop my full ability without relying on my parents anymore. Besides if I were to take a leadership role in the future I have to make decisions by myself and know how to articulate myself without worrying what my mom would say if I did this or that. This makes me regret not coming to Australia earlier or get a job which requires me to be more independent.
When I graduate this year I've made up my mind to stay on my own and experience life from different walks of life. Coming to Australia is my first step and I fought for it so hard. My parents were reluctant but I guess God opened the door for me when HE sent my parents to China and open their minds on staying overseas. I believe that there will be more doors open for me.
Although I feel the frustration sometimes I guess I could use it for better use. Making sure that people don't make the same mistakes I make. Its not what decisions you have made is what decisions you will make. The future is in our hands we must act accordingly to acheive what we see ourselves. 'Don't dwell in the past and look ahead'
Isaiah 43:18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past
It can be difficult to do this but we just have to....however if we can learn something from the past incorporate it into the decision we will make in the future. If I really can I would like to study medicine but I guess in life we can't always get what we want.
lml
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